Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
and she was petting her beer can
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
