the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
