I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
