I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
