I'm so fucking centered right now
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
