What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
