Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
