I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
the raccoons are back...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
