Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
