I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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