when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
