Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
