I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
