...so i touched it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
