Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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