Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
