What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
