There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
