he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im holly from the hills drunk
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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