If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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