Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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