i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
