how can u be prego again
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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