i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
