just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
