Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
