Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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