her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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