I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
