I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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