don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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