it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
