Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
