Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
