He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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