never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
