I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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