Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
