Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
