why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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