tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
