Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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