Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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