so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
