you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
