There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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