she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
