You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
