i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I want to have your abortion
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
