Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
