Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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