I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
