im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
