I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
