Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
