I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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