Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
